After fighting (and losing) to drugs and alcohol all my life life, I reached a point of total hopelessness. No one loved me, I didn’t deserve it. I hated myself. I was useless.
Drugs gave me a numbness to my pain, and they were my only friend. Sad and pathetic, I know. But the truth.
After many years, the drugs stopped working. No matter how much I drank or drugged, the numbness wouldn’t come anymore. I decided to die. Then I would feel fine.
In a last effort move, I decided to pray. I never even believed in God, but I figured why not?
I was completely destroyed, beaten to surrender. in the park, with my face in the dirt, I breathed what I thought was my last breath. And I said three words “God, help me.”
It felt like someone sat on top of me, I thought it was a dog or something, I felt a weight literally press down on me. But it was warm. A voice said in my ear “I love you.” Now I thought it was some weirdo. But I rolled over and there was no one there. I stood up and looked around, there was no one, but there was a light in the sky. It was night, and dark, but a light in the sky was there. I looked into it, and I heard again, “I love you.”
A feeling came over me I cannot describe, but I liked it. It was like my parents were back with me, and they loved me. They had died long ago.
I started to pray every day for strength and peace. I received it. I stopped drinking and drugging and I got a job working at a church. I have joy now that I don’t deserve, but it comes from God’s grace and I accept it. I also share it with others.
God id awesome!
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